September 2005

9/12 - 9/16 "As treacherous as another country hanging the United States flag upside down."

9/19 - 9/23 "As arrogant as the Boston Red Sox after winning their second championship when the New York Yankees won twenty-six."

9/26 - 9/30 "As easy as beating kindergartners in dodgeball."

October 2005

10/3 - 10/7 "As convenient as having a twenty to slip Mr. Kanick on the day of Open House."

10/11 - 10/14 "As hard as surviving Mrs. Schleifer's social studies class when you didn't do your homework."

10/17 - 10/21 "As spontaneous as Mr. Kanick hitting Frodo with a volleyball."

10/24 - 10/28 "As evil as Mr. Kanick when he finds out that there is no turkey slop for a whole month."

10/31 - 11/4 "As creepy as Mr. Kanick's shiny, bald new haircut."

November 2005

11/7 - 11/11  "As idiotic as betting your eyebrows in a game of blackjack."

11/14 - 11/18  "As fatal as swimming in a pool full of electric eels."

11/21 - 11/25  "As funny as Ms. Zaffran calling Mr. Kanick to see if 'funner' is a word." 

11/28 - 12/2  "As bizarre as taking a test when your teachers begin talking about farting."

December 2005

12/5 - 12/9  "As frightening as Michael Jackson's face."

12/12 - 12/16  "As idiotic as licking peanut butter off of a steak knife."

12/19 - 12/23  "As dramatic as Mr. Kanick when here is no turkey slop for a month."

January 2006

1/3 - 1/6 "As electrifying as Mr. Benker's guitar skills."

1/9 - 1/13 "As unusual as months without turkey slop and Mr. Kanick has yet to kill anyone because of it."

1/16 - 1/20 "As bubbly as putting too much laundry detergent into the washing machine."

1/23 - 1/27 "As cold as telling your girlfriend that you will meet her at the movies and then ditching her for her best friend."

1/30 - 2/3  "As happy as a student when he didn't do his homework and then there is a snow day."

February 2006

2/6 - 2/10  "As happy as a student who didn't do his homework and then there is a snow day."

2/27 - 3/3   "As old as the comeback 'I know you are but what am I?'"

March 2006

3/6 - 3/10   "As important as bringing your planner to social studies."

3/13 - 3/17  "As breakable as a plastic spoon when trying to scoop ice cream."

3/20 - 3/24  "As slimy as the eggs gremlins hatch from."

3/27 - 3/31  "As disposable as the gum wrapper I wrote this simile on."

April 2006

4/3 - 4/7  "As mini as an object when you look at it through a telescope backwards."

4/10 - 4/13  "As eminent as a cat's eyes in the dark."

4/24 - 4/28  "To whine like Mr. Kanick when there is no turkey slop."

May 2006

5/1 - 5/5  "You can't tell by looking at me, but I can run like the wind blows."  (Forest Gump) 

5/8 - 5/12  "To smile like the comic book guy when he buys 100 tacos for $100 for a movie marathon."

5/15 - 5/19  "To brag like you had the biggest crystal in science class and your partners are absent so you get all of the gum."

5/22 - 5/26  "To laugh like the Pillsbury Dough Boy when he gets poked."

5/30 - 6/2  "To sweat like a fat guy running after a speeding ice cream truck on a hot summer's day."